Silence
by Garowyn
Summary: Kirihara is angry with his father.


**Author's Notes: I do not own Prince of Tennis; it's all written for fun and no profit whatsoever. A special thanks goes to Caorann fridh Bronach for beta reading.**

**I read that Kirihara's father is an overseas businessman, so this idea was born to explore and write out what Kirihara might be feeling in regards to the father and son relationship. Let me know if you think he is OOC and give me reasons why (in a mature and respectful manner) because simply telling me doesn't do much at all. I was also looking at the time line at a fan site, so this is set one month after Kirihara officially becomes a regular, so he really doesn't know the new regular team_ that_ well. He might have known them in passing prior to becoming a regular, though. **

**Basically, I attempted to write from a thirteen-year-old Kirihara's POV and how he may feel about his father's absences. **

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I always doze off on the train. I don't know why, but the sound of the train moving and the people talking puts me to sleep. I've never been able to sleep when it's too quiet. I always need some kind of noise for me to fall asleep. Mom told me that when I was a baby I wouldn't go to sleep unless the TV was on, so you guys usually watched TV until I was out, or sometimes talked to me, and then I fell asleep because I didn't know what you guys were talking about.

But today I didn't fall asleep on the train. Know why? Because I was excited to see you. When we talked on the phone last night, you said you were going to be home today. All day during school, I thought about you and guessed that you were probably flying over the ocean during lunch period. But when I got home, Mom said you weren't coming home today, and that you had to stay overseas longer. Why? How come? I rarely see you anymore. I was hoping you'd be home before me so I could tell you about my day, but you're not.

Well, I'm going to repeat my day to myself, even if no one's listening. I might tell Mom, but I'm not going to tell Akiko. She doesn't understand or like tennis, so she'd be all like, "What the heck are you talking about?" and I don't feel like explaining everything to her. She misses you, too.

Anyway, practice went as usual. Assistant-Captain Genichirou Sanada made us run thirty laps today! We have to stay in shape in order for Rikkai Dai to take home a third national title. "We must not lose" is what Genichirou says when he reminds us of that goal. This year I'm on the team as a regular, so we'll win for sure! I wish you could see me play. I'm awesome.

I challenged Renji Yanagi again today. Did I tell you about him? I can't remember if I did or not. He's so cool! He plays what he calls "data tennis" and even has data on me. He guessed what kind of moves I would make. He won the match, but I was so close! I tied the game for awhile, but he managed to gain more points and eventually won the whole game, 6-3. I could've done better, though. My mind wasn't on the game. I was thinking about you. But at least I didn't get slapped! Genichirou and Renji both told me what to work on more, like my split step and backhand. I guess Genichirou isn't that bad (even if he does slap the losers...so I've heard). He has to fill in for our captain, Seiichi Yukimura, every so often, so he must be under a lot of pressure.

Yeah, I was kind of close to beating Renji today, and I wanted to tell you about it, but now I can't. You're not here. I feel kind of bad for getting mad at Mom when I came home. I kind of yelled at her for your not being there. It's not her fault that you're not coming home today. I was looking forward to seeing you. I went to my room, and now Akiko's at my door, telling me to stop knocking my hands against the wall.

Geez. Now Akiko's mad at me (and she threw a sock at me with her bad aim). I shouldn't have snapped at her, but I couldn't help it. I mean, am I not allowed to be angry?

I wanted to tell somebody about how close I was to beating Renji. I plan to defeat Renji, Genichirou, and Captain Seiichi – then I'll beat Masaharu, Bunta, Jackal, and Hiroshi in a singles game. I'll beat them all! They'll learn not to underestimate me. Tennis is _my_ game, too.

I could've told Bunta or Jackal; they're nice to me, although Bunta kind of teases me. Masaharu is weird. He always looks like he's up to something, and it's freaky when I can't see his eyes, because his bangs are so long. I don't talk much with Hiroshi; he's sort of mysterious. Renji's not easy to talk to, but he's nice, too. Genichirou...well, I don't talk much with him, either. Captain Seiichi's often in the hospital because he's sick with this syndrome, so I don't get to talk with him much, either. I forget the name of his syndrome, but he'll be back! Come to think of it, I don't know everyone on the team that well. They're kind of my friends...but not really. Don't know how to explain it. They see each other all day since they're ninth-graders, but I'm an eighth-grader. I suppose I'll get to know them better soon.

So I told no one. Maybe I won't ever. I'll keep it to myself. I won't tell you because you're not here, and I'm not very happy with you. How come you had to get a job that takes you to other countries sometimes? I miss hanging out with you. We used to spend so much time together. Remember when we went to the beach? I couldn't hear you calling me to get back because the waves were loud – then I was under them, but you saved me. It's weird hearing nothing but water in your ears.

I saw a kid today with his dad on the train. The kid was carrying a picture he must've drawn in art class. Do you remember when I brought home my first drawing? I drew you and I, and Mom hung my picture on the fridge for awhile. We were stick men, but, hey, that's all I could do! Actually, I still am only able to draw stick men, but whatever. I don't draw pictures anymore. I'm not a kid anymore. When I'm an adult, I'm going to get a job where I'll be able to stay in Japan all the time, so I can spend time with my wife and kids. I don't want to be like you.

I don't even know you anymore!

I wish you were at your old job where you worked in one of those tall buildings. Heh, I can't even remember what you used to do before you were transferred. Proves we don't talk. I'm sick and tired of seeing kids with their dads because it's just a slap in my face – reminds me that my own dad is busy with other people and no time for his own son. Sure, you're all happy when we talk on the phone, but you always have to go because of the long distance call. _Don't I mean more to you than money?_

You helped me ride a bicycle for the first time, but it was Mom who saw me off for the first time on a train, to go by myself to Rikkai Dai Junior High. Two weeks ago, I aced my Biology test, and you only had time to look at it once because you had to leave to catch your flight. A month ago, you were home for Akiko's birthday, but you paid more attention to her than to me. Call it childish, jealousy, whatever the heck you want.

Sometimes you're home for a couple of months, but you still have to go to work, and I'm stuck with homework. At least we talked in the evenings...but I don't know. You're always on the move – it's just go, go, go! Things to do, places to go. You're determined to move up, be promoted. Well, that's how I am, too! I'll defeat Renji, Genichirou, Seiichi, and anyone else! I'll take on anyone! I can do it by myself with no one's help! I don't _need_ anyone's help, least of all yours. I don't need you to come to my games. I'll ignore the parents I do see. Their children are probably weaklings who can't survive without being close to "Mommy" and "Daddy." I won't be like that. I'm tough, and I'll be the best tennis player anyone has ever seen!

Ugh, my pillow is wet. I'll turn it over to the dry side. Shoot, there goes that picture of you and Mom. Sorry, Mom.

Mom sent Akiko to get me for dinner, but I don't want to go. My seat is next to your empty seat, and I don't feel like seeing that. Akiko's gone now. What do you know, I see an old English test on the floor with a low mark. I wonder why I didn't throw it away yet. English is my worst subject; I don't get all these English words, but sometimes I work extra hard. Know why? Because I foolishly believe that if I ace that class, I can come with you overseas. But that'll never happen.

Shoot, my face and pillow is wet again and my head hurts. It's been a long time since I've cried, and it's all your fault. You're making me cry! You're making me cry because you're not here to see _me_! I'm too old to cry! This is all your fault! It's your fault that Mom's been lonely lately – she's become too quiet! It's your fault! It's your fault that Akiko was embarrassed because one of her friends, who visited her one day, thought you had left us! It's your fault I got detention in the sixth grade because I picked a fight with a kid who insulted you! He didn't even know you! He was real stupid, but now I'm the stupid one because I stood up for you!

And it's all your fault that my hand slipped on the frame of the picture of you and Mom when I was trying to pick it up, and it got cut. My hands also hurt because I keep banging on the sink, so I slam door.

I've never been so angry before. I look up into the mirror, and my eyes...my eyes are red. But people have seen me with red eyes during my tennis games, so it doesn't scare me much anymore, but what I hate seeing is my own face. I look like you! I'm Akaya Kirihara, your _son_! I look like you! _You!_

_I hate you!_

...No, no, I don't.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't hate me, please, I'm sorry. What am I saying? You can't hear me... I'm just so angry that you're not here! I'm so angry, so mad... That's all. That's all it is. I'll get over it. I always do. Maybe you're here, and I'm not talking to you because of my anger. It happened once. Yeah, maybe it is, but I stop and listen, and all I hear is Mom, Akiko, plates, forks, cups, and stuff. I can't hear your voice.

Dad...Dad, I miss you so much.

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**Author's Notes: Hope you read the beginning notes. (And, no, I don't use "senpai" or other words I am unfamiliar with, but I'm sure you're not here to see those words.)**


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